What is the difference between Adjustments and Compromise?

I have lived most of my adult life away from my parents. I have traveled a lot and found one thing in common on daily basis. From Traveling in all forms of public transport - buses, in metro rails, in railways and in airplanes; I heard one thing now and then – “Thoda Adjust kar leejeye…Please!!” and I agree to do so, gracefully every time.

Similarly, in our journey of life we meet many people, spend quality time with them yet we fail in adjusting with them. But at the same moment I ponder over the thought that most of you people live with your respective families often adjust with your parents, siblings, friends, in-laws and beloved spouses willingly. But sometimes when you start compromising on certain things you end up paying more. Believe me; I have gone that far too much.

Many do not differentiate between the two, but there is a stark difference.

Compromise is letting go something of you in order to create some kind of balance in a relationship. It may become mandatory since the relationship demands it, or more often than not, because of major ego clashes.

Adjustment can be seen as a voluntary act. It's at your own free will. You think of making things better, of creating a perfect blend and hence are ready to alter the degree of one or more of your characteristics. I repeat, you alter, do not shun the characteristic completely, which happens in case of compromise.

In a relationship, two people are like two musical notes. Both the notes are equally important and have a role to play. When one is high, the other ought to be low and vice-a-versa. Only then can they produce music that sounds melodious. Adjustment is all about molding yourself according to the situation. When you compromise, you are losing on one of the notes and hence taking away the essence of music.

Sometimes I stand back and I observe women, especially some of the women friends I have. I listen to them and I can’t help but think that they are reaching for the stars. Women do have a list, and I think it is ridiculous! When you have a list, your expectations are set at a certain level. At that point it is almost destined for any man that comes around to fall short and then of course you have to SETTLE or compromise that list you’ve developed over years. It is very rare that a woman finds a man that lives up to everything she has dreamed and hoped and “LISTED” on her relationship requirements sheet. Men don’t have a list, we go for what feels right, and I believe women should do the same. It should be the feeling of the moment that matters. Not if they meet all the qualities in your list. Otherwise you will definitely almost 99% of the time end up settling or compromising your list of requirements, because no one will live up to them. Not to say you shouldn’t have any standards, but be more realistic. Long story short listing relationship requirements leads to settling or compromising 99% of the time. Because there is no way anyone can meet all requirements.

I’ve always understood adjustment to be a bad thing as most men equate it to lowering their standards and accepting something less desirable. We often inherit the idea that when we settle for something, whether it’s in a relationship or another aspect of life, what we end up with isn’t quality. Somewhere along the line we started equating the decisions that we make in relationships to those we’d make for material things, and that’s where we’ve gone wrong. We have to start realizing that the things we desire in a mate are INTANGIBLE and can only be measured according to personal perception. I can understand that we live in a materialistic society and when we talk about value most people can’t relate unless there’s a physical measuring stick. I also know that most women treat the characteristics that they desire in a relationship as if they’re tangible materials rather than qualities that may or may not ever be manifested. We’re indirectly taught at a very early age what to expect in a relationship by observing the relationships that develop around us.

It’s not accepted that no man will ever be equipped to meet all of your expectations, but that doesn’t stop you from endlessly searching for the Utopian man.

That question can only be answered on an individual basis. What may be considered a value compromise to some may be considered trivial to others. My question to you is, now that you understand the difference between compromise and adjustment which are willing to consider?