On my way from New Delhi to Chennai suddenly my iPod bug me up by playing randomly a famous song “What is Love? “- by Haddaway. I closed my eyes and imagine this song from movie A Night at the Roxbury in which Jim Carrey was head banging in most funniest way.
A smile came on my lips. It was perfect timing as I have just started reading 2 States by Chetan Bhagat. (It’s a book I would recommend every guy and girl should read before getting married doesn’t matter he/she is get love or arrange because both end up in compromising and adjustments.) As I saw the cover of book it’s red in color like that of blood and I understood pretty well why it is like that. At the back following lines where written –
“Love marriages around the world are simple: Boy Loves girl. Girl loves boy. They get married.
In India, there are a few more steps:
Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. (The second part has more relevance and importance)
Girl’s family has to love boy. Boy’s family has to love girl.
Girl’s family has to love boy’s family. Boy’s family has to love girl’s family.
After meeting above criteria if still Girl and boy can manage to love each other. Then they get married. “
About myself –
I am not much of a writer or blogger as you have known by now. This is the very first blog of my life so please forgive me if you feel you have wasted your precious time after reading this. I am writing this after doing deep introspection on recent developments around me in past one year or so. I have recently turned 25 still writing single/unmarried in the space besides my age in any damn forms.
Without drifting away from the topic, I have recently relocated from New Delhi to Chennai (Don’t Know why.. might be as I am seeking some answers within myself so I need some time away from everything around me. Still haven’t found any!! ).
After landing up here, I met with a guy from Andhra Pradesh who happens to be my colleague. He is 28 years old and on asking, told me that he got recently engaged to a girl. I asked him straight “Love or arrange?? “, He told me “Arrange!! “. I asked him again “How long did you know this girl?? “ He said – “1 month!!” I smiled “Wow.. And you agreed to marry her?? “ He said – “yes. My family fixed everything.“ Out of curiosity I asked “how many times have you dated her out?? “ He jumped in shock as if I asked some sin he has committed “I have never dated her I just met her once when I went to her home to see her with my family." I was amused and shouted at him suddenly “You have decided in one meeting that 'SHE IS THE ONE'!!“ He said proudly “I have seen 5 girls before her and refused, but after looking her photograph and meeting her I settled on her.“ I said “Lord Jesus Christ … have you gone for shopping for yourself or what?? You reject girls like you are choosing T-shirts in Sunday market depending upon what color and size matches you the most. That will fade away in few years when you have to live 40 years or more with someone who doesn’t know anything about your nature and preferences and you doesn’t know about her either?? How much time you guys have to marriage? ” He said – “6 months!!” I said “Wow. And can you both get to know everything about eachother in 6 months and about your respective families?” He said “No. we can’t!!” “Then what happens after marriage? If you don’t get along well with each other and with your respected extended families?” I asked. He Said “She has to adjust…and toe the line.” “…and if she doesn’t??” I asked. He said with a straight face “Then worst thing will happen…“ and he left quietly.
I was left wondering that “Is there any difference left between choosing clothes and choosing our life partners. These days girls leaves guys or guys leaves girls after spending years together due to stupid fights and to massage their egos more but end up with compromising and making adjustments with someone they don’t even know much or even don’t love. We love our parents yet we have fights with them, we love our siblings, yet we fight with them but we don’t leave them. God has given us this much liberty that we can choose who are going to be our friends and our life partners. These relations we have made by our own choices and yet we leave them anytime we want. Why?? Why can't we accept our faults, kick our egos and accept those who loves us most.Lifelong relations doesn't build up with ** terms and conditions apply** !! “
Few days later I came to know about my friend, he also got engaged this time it was inter-caste love marriage. He is from Bihar and girl is from Bengal. After hearing their story I felt real joy and got sad for my friend who after struggling so much with each other’s family but finally was able to convince them. He told me: “ When you are dating with someone and you have no pressure from your families to get married (esp. from girl’s family) you have fights but you resolve them but when you get that pressure and it increased day by day then those conflicts between the couple get more. Girl’s parent told her that we can get better match for you and guy’s parents did the same. In the end what matters most is love. If you love each other so much that you don’t wana marry anyone expect him/her then your relation will survived. Otherwise you’ll end up either heartbroken or make compromise with someone you don’t even know much. In the end What matters most is this 4 letter word “LOVE” (which I think still has some relevance)!!”
He told me how his marriage with his better half got fixed. First the fights between both of increased due to pressure coming from girl’s family. They ended up their relation because none of them can tolerate more. He was heart-broken but still he gets some courage to approach the girl’s family. He was ridiculed by each and everyone from girl’s family (even from the girl itself for approaching her family!!) due to his dark complexion and being born as Bihari. He was ridiculed by his own family for choosing Bengali when he can get huge price in his market. Still after much struggle he was able convince everyone and made everyone feel happy about their relation.
I can’t forget his words: “What matters most in any relationship is how much you love him/her. To what extend you wana go for him/ her.“ I think I got some of my answers and hope you get yours. Rest we need to figure out our self.
Peace !!
Veekay
